To succeed in the workplace (and even in your personal life), here are some things you should never say:
1. No offence.
Why is this a bad idea: Saying ‘no offence’ after saying something offending is like slapping a person and saying, ‘No slap.’ It doesn’t make it any better.
What should you say instead: Put it in perspective – e.g., ‘What I said may have been hurtful but my only goal was to highlight XYZ. This is no way detracts from your commendable effort and the good work you do.’
If contextually relevant, you can also add, “If you did find it hurtful, I apologize.” You don’t have to say this though – use your judgement.
This may sound much more long-winded than just saying ‘No offence.’ But that’s the point. If you really care about not hurting someone, make the effort to put things in context – it is your duty. That is what caring means.
2. Don’t take it personally.
Why is this a bad idea: First, you are flagging that something I have said should be taken personally. Second, you are suggesting that the other person is not competent enough to decide whether to take it personally or not – that’s a double insult.
What should you say instead: Explain why it should not be taken personally. E.g., ‘My feedback was only in the context of this particular presentation. It was absolutely not about your competence or integrity, which is beyond reproach.”
By the way, I’m not asking you to flatter people. Just say the objectively correct thing. But don’t ignore their good parts because you didn’t like something in particular.
3. Hope you don’t mind my saying this.
Why is this a bad idea: Like the above, you are flagging that, “Here comes something aimed to offend you.” It is almost as bad as ‘No offence.’
What should you say instead: Nothing.
If it offends someone without good reason, don’t say it. And if there is a good reason to say it despite the risk of offending, be specific, objective, and as measured as you can be.
If you think the above examples are just about political correctness, ask yourself – when was the last time someone said ‘No offence’ and you stopped feeling offended?
– Rajan