Amit is the type of person you’d love to have on your team. Reliable and always willing to take on work, you just know he’d go the extra mile to get things done.
So you’re surprised when Amit falls behind on his deliverables. You see him working long hours almost every day, yet the team suffers. The bosses are not happy. Those easy promotions that once seemed within Amit’s reach have now started looking like a mirage.
We have all been Amits. We also know at least one burnt out Amit, struggling with his workload.
The truth is, we want to be positive contributors at work, but we’re simply overwhelmed and exhausted.
Here’s one thing you cannot ignore: if you do not get rid of low value work that ultimately means little to your colleagues or customers, it can mean the end of your professional life.
Rather than being a passive recipient of tasks that come your way, take a proactive approach of designing a job where you can get things done while maintaining your sanity.
Why we avoid saying no to others
Social psychologist, Susan Newman, explains in The Book of No, how toddlers don’t have a problem saying no, but as they grow, they gradually learn the behavior of saying yes to please their parents and other adults.
By the time we become adults, we may have modified our behaviour to such an extent that saying “no” to a person triggers anxiety.
Here are some common reasons we are uncomfortable saying no.
Fear of conflict
We feel uncomfortable saying no because we fear it will lead to conflict or tension with the person making the request. We want to avoid confrontation.
Fear of disappointing others
We feel guilty. We believe that our refusal will disappoint the person making the request. We want to live up to their expectations, so we just take on the work.
Fear of being seen as rude or uncooperative
We feel that saying no will be perceived as rude or uncooperative, and we want to avoid that perception. We do not want to be the loner with no friends.
Fear of missing out
We fear missing out on an opportunity or a social connection. Our friends or colleagues may bond without us. We’ll miss out on the fun. We’ll be kept out of the circle.
Difficulty setting boundaries
Many of us have difficulty setting boundaries and saying no, even when we know that it is in our best interest to do so. There are many reasons for this including past experiences, childhood trauma, or unhealthy relationships.
Social pressure
We may also feel pressure to say yes because we sometimes believe it is expected of us to defer to our superiors, including bosses or older family members.
The specific reason for why someone may feel uncomfortable saying no to a request will depend on their individual circumstances and personality.
Your boss – the scariest person to say no to
Saying no to the boss can be particularly challenging because this is the person who controls your career and your paycheck. It may feel like your life hangs in the balance.
Let’s look at why the boss makes you more uncomfortable than anyone else.
Fear of negative consequences
We are afraid of the potential consequences such as being perceived as insubordinate, uncooperative, losing opportunities for advancement, or even getting fired.
Power dynamics
The boss-employee relationship often involves a power dynamic, and many people feel that they cannot say no to their boss because of this imbalance. This is especially true in cultures where we are taught to be deferential to our superiors.
Loyalty
Some people feel a sense of loyalty to their boss and may not want to disappoint them or let them down. We do not want to be the reason why our boss is not able to do something that they want.
Belief in our own ability
Some of us feel an internal pressure to take on additional tasks, even when we are overwhelmed, because we believe we are capable of handling the workload. Or we believe that we should be able to handle anything thrown our way.
Social norms
There may be social norms or expectations within the organization that dictate that employees should always say yes to their boss’s requests. This will vary across organizations. Some companies may allow you to push back to a certain extent, but ultimately you are expected to defer.
How to say no to the boss (without negative consequences)
Here are a few suggestions on how to politely decline a request from your boss without getting fired.
Explain your current workload
It can be helpful to be honest about your current workload and the reasons why you are unable to take on more work.
You can say something like, “I appreciate the opportunity, but I am currently overloaded with work and my productivity is suffering as a result. I want to be able to do my best work, and I don’t feel that I can take on any more at this time.”
Offer alternative solutions
You can suggest alternative solutions that might work for your boss. For example, you could suggest delegating some tasks to other team members or outsourcing work to freelancers.
Ask for clarification
If you are unsure about the scope of the work or the timeline, you can ask for more information before making a decision. This can give you a better understanding of what is expected and whether you would be able to manage the workload.
Suggest a different time frame
If you are unable to take on more work at the current time, you could suggest that you may be able to take on additional tasks at a later date when your workload is more manageable.
Seek support
If you are struggling with your workload and are unable to decline additional tasks, it can be helpful to seek support from the boss. They may be able to assign someone else to assist you with either the current workload or the new work that you’re expected to take up.
Overall, it’s important to be honest and straightforward when declining a request from your boss. By explaining your situation and offering alternative solutions, you can communicate your needs and limitations in a respectful and professional manner.
Saying no to colleagues
It can be difficult to decline a request from a colleague because you don’t want to be considered rude or arrogant. You still want to be seen as a team player, and want to maintain warm relationships with your peers.
The best strategy here would be to be honest. Your colleagues, more than anyone else, are likely to understand how overworked one can be. Be respectful, sincere, and honest. People can sense these things and will appreciate genuine efforts.
Here are a few additional suggestions for how you can politely decline work while still coming across as sympathetic. There is some overlap of suggestions here, but the tone would be different from how you communicate with your boss, and you will likely feel less anxious or pressured.
Acknowledge their request
You can start by thanking your colleague for thinking of you and acknowledging their request. This shows that you appreciate the opportunity, even if you are unable to take it on.
Explain your current situation
You can explain that you are currently overloaded with work because your boss (or person X) is waiting for you to complete an assignment. When you phrase it this way, you are being straightforward, but not blunt. This helps your colleague empathize and understand why you are unable to take on more work at this time.
Offer support
Even if you are unable to take on the task, you can still offer to help your colleague in other ways. For example, you could offer to review their work, provide feedback, or brainstorm ideas with them.
Suggest alternative solutions
You can suggest alternative solutions that might work for your colleague. Perhaps you could pull up the contact details for freelancers you have worked with previously.
Apologize
You can apologize for not being able to take on more work and express your regret that you are unable to help. This can show that you are sympathetic to your colleague’s situation and that you wish you could do more to help.
Conclusion
The ability to say no is a crucial skill in the workplace. By declining low value tasks that may hinder your productivity, you can focus on more important tasks and achieve better results.
While it may take some practice to become comfortable with saying no, it is ultimately a benefit to both your professional life and your relationships with your colleagues.
Remember that it is okay to prioritize your own workload and well-being, and saying no can actually improve your overall effectiveness and efficiency in the long run.
The suggestions above can help you effectively communicate your reasons for saying no and minimize any potential negative consequences.
Whether it’s setting boundaries, using alternative phrases, or negotiating a compromise, there are various strategies you can use to assertively and respectfully decline tasks that do not align with your goals or values.
Invest some time in learning how to confidently and effectively say no, and take control of your workload and career development.